7 Tips for Hosting a Christmas Gift Exchange

1. Say "about $20," not "$20 or under"

"$20 or under" sounds clear, but "or under" is tricky. Half the room spends $20, the other half spends $8, and both followed the rule.

"About $20" gives everyone the same number to aim for, so nobody gets the short end of the stick.

Use whatever amount works for your group. We usually do $10 when kids are playing and $20 when it's just adults.

2. Do the family math

A $30 budget sounds reasonable for one person. But for a family of five, it's another $150 spent on gifts. One host on a parenting forum landed on $15 per family member for exactly this reason.

So before you set the number, count the families, not just the people. If a lot of your guests come as families, go lower than you would for a group of friends. At $10 to $15, a family of five spends $75 at most, and the game is just as fun.

For a big family gathering, you can even skip the shopping altogether with a regift theme. Everyone wraps something new they already own and never used. Nobody spends a dollar, and those gifts get a second chance.

3. Pick a theme

A theme gives everyone a starting point and your guests know what kind of gift to look for.

Whatever theme you pick, my favorite test for any gift comes from a host on Reddit. Before you wrap it, ask one question: "will people want to steal this?"

Here are a few themes I'd use, depending on who's coming:

• Baking, for the family that's always in the kitchen.
• Games you forgot about, the ones you loved as a kid and haven't played in years.
• Something I love, so every gift is one a friend already swears by.
• Things you'll need in the next month, so every gift gets used right away.
• Things that go in the garage, for the group that would rather unwrap a good flashlight than a candle.
• Christmas ornaments, so everyone goes home with something for next year's tree.

If your group camps, do camping gear. If they read, do books. Travel, homemade gifts and funny t-shirts all work too. If you want more to choose from, we keep a list of Christmas gift exchange themes.

4. Say the rules out loud before the first gift

Almost every family plays a gift exchange a little differently. Some allow two steals on a gift, and some allow three. Some open gifts right away, and some keep everything wrapped until the end. The questions people ask before they play are always the same: "when you unwrap it, do you keep it? How many rounds do you do? Is there rules for # of steals?"

Sorting that out in the middle of the game is where feelings get hurt. Nobody really fights about it, but someone's thinking "that's not how we play," and it hangs over the rest of the game.

So before the first gift moves, say the rules out loud, even the ones that seem obvious:

• How many times a gift can be stolen.
• Whether opened gifts can still be taken.
• What happens if you end up with your own gift. (When we play, you keep it.)
• How the game ends.

This is the reason Brooke and I made our game. When we play That Gift Game, every trade, open, steal and pass happens because someone played a card that said so. Nobody is the bad guy for taking a gift, and nobody has to remember whose version we're using.

If you're running the exchange without cards, jot your rules down beforehand and read them off at the start. It feels a little formal for about ten seconds, but that's better than trying to settle it later. If you haven't picked a game yet, here are five fun Christmas gift exchange games to choose from.

5. Keep a backup gift

My grandpa once brought a wrapped newspaper to our family gift exchange. He was just being funny. It was a little bit funny. Buuuut... it was also a dud.

Not everyone has the same idea of what a good gift is. A clear budget and a theme get everyone on the same page, and a backup gift covers the rest.

Keep an extra wrapped gift in the closet. If someone ends up with a dud and it's tugging on your heartstrings, you can surprise them with a final gift. It also covers a surprise plus-one or the one who forgot. We keep a spare That Gift Game as ours, so whoever gets it has their own copy for next year.

Gift Giving Tip

If you're bringing a joke gift, pair it with a real one, like a nice picture frame with your second-grade school photo in it. Grandpa's newspaper would have been a lot funnier with a surprise gift card tucked inside.

6. Decide how the kids will play before the party

Kids change the game. Grown-ups won't take a gift from a kid who just opened it, and sometimes the littlest ones don't give theirs up without tears. Decide on the details before the party, not at the table.

Pick one of these two, and tell guests the plan before they shop.

7. Size it to the room

Around ten people is the sweet spot for me. That's enough to keep the gifts moving, and everyone still gets a few turns before it's over.

Six works too. My friends and I, three moms and three daughters, do one every year. We go to dinner at Oregano's and then play. With six people, everyone gets more turns, so it never feels small. One year we were all too busy to fit it in before Christmas, so we turned it into a Galentine's party with Valentine's gifts instead.

Somewhere past fourteen people, one exchange starts to drag. Everyone waits forever between turns, and the people at the far end of the room start checking their phones. Split into two games, each with its own pile of gifts, and you get two lively exchanges instead of one long one.

The invite, all in one place

If you put all of this on the invitation, you won't have to explain anything at the door.

Here's what ours looks like:

Gift exchange after dinner on Christmas Eve! Bring one wrapped gift per person, about $10. This year's theme is fun and games. Bring something you'd want to steal. Kids are playing with us, so keep it kid-friendly.

Copy the wording

A few more questions

What's a good budget for a gift exchange?

We usually say $20 for a group of adults. Go with about $10 when kids are playing or a lot of guests come as families. Whatever you pick, say "about," not "or under."

How many people do you need for a gift exchange?

Four is enough to play, around ten is the most fun, and past fourteen I'd split into two groups.